Confessions/Apologies of an English Major

I'm just going to do this once (alright, maybe this is the second time already), so that I've cleared my guilty English-major conscience about my lazy writing style and habits, and to allow myself to continue writing without feeling so terribly inferior that I end up with a blogger's block...Yes, I was an English major in college, and I always wanted to be a writer (for The New Yorker, specifically).  I've read Strunk & White's The Elements of Style and know that ellipses are bad.  I know all the other important rules about writing as well.  Yet every time I say things like "what a great movie," or use bland language, or make some other blunder, I think of a few professors (including Bob) who would roll in their graves, and I scold myself...but then I remember that this is not a literary/political/movie critic blog, and I'm not Maureen Dowd (thanks for the link to her article today, Mom - next time add a link to your comment, and other people can check out the NYTimes online) or Pauline Kael or E.B. White.  Nor am I my mother the wonderful editor.  So I'll edit a bit, use the spell check, write whatever I can, and move on.  There.  That's that.

I looked for the "Obama-stock" (I think ABC News called it that) coverage today on TV, but couldn't find it anywhere!  It didn't appear to be on NPR either.  Finally saw some footage on the news this evening, and it looked like HBO had it covered.  No fair!  What about those of us who don't have premium cable?  Does anyone know how to get the footage?  Very cool stuff.  Amazing new president and family.  I love that he's trying to get America united, to get us thinking about serving our country (tomorrow is National Service Day, as well as MLK Jr Day), to remind us that it won't be easy; we'll all have to make sacrifices...

Let's all pray for peace and stability and economic recovery and the health and well-being of each and every one of us!

Thank God for movies and George Clooney!

Had a great distraction this evening with George Clooney in Michael Clayton.  Karl actually watched the whole movie with me (he usually leaves before a movie ends) and enjoyed it as well!  It was a great story - nice thriller - great feel for the law firm big case mentality, and thank goodness George (Michael) didn't sell out in the end.  For a moment, I thought he had.  I like that George gets invovled in interesting, well-thought out movies.  And that he's easy on the eyes...

New symptoms arise, and are not enjoyable - heartburn and beginning to lose my taste buds.  I also seem to have gotten my period and cramps to boot!  

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions of accupuncture - both for the tooth pain and the chemo symptoms.  I'm going to look into the clinic Kate mentioned and see what Kaiser (or if they will) offers in accupuncture providers.  

The El Cerrito Farmer's Market was sunny and warm today - people in shorts and I in my hat.  That and some miso soup and edamame with Cosette was all I could handle - by then I felt I'd overdone it, and had to recuperate on the couch for a while while the boys took the tree down and out of the house.  Stockings and cards will come down tomorrow.  

Obama's whistle-stop train trip and speeches (though I only heard one) were inspiring and such a relief after eight years of drivel from our former leader.  Here's to all you on the east coast getting to feel or be a part of the amazing, historic inauguration.  

Friday Night Excitement

Yes, life is exciting when you're 51, have cancer, a toothache, nausea from chemo & tooth pain & attempts to treat it, and a husband with a broken foot, and and and and

Karl and I watched an old Sherlock Holmes (the PBS series with Jeremy Brett), which I had figured out well before the end.  The husband checked the actor's bio, wondering why he had died so young.  Interesting man - fairly tough life.  Died at 61 of heart failure; had bipolar disorder; illness had worsened when second wife died, etc.  

Then I watched CSI, last night's episode.  I haven't really been keeping up, but it is a good show.  Sad to see Grissom go - Lawrence Fishburn should be a decent replacement.  Nice to see Grissom end up in the jungle in Costa Rica, having found Sarah.  Watching shows on the computer is not bad - only 2 minutes of commercials total, all Blackberry ads, all mutable.  Cheaper than tivo, but not quite as cool.  

Tomorrow the Christmas tree comes down, as well as the stockings, the cards, etc.  Seems like that was all so long ago, another season past, but it hasn't even been a month!  Part of this is the unreal weather - 60-70's every day this week; another part the surreal nature of the last month - having life turned upside down with a diagnosis I just wasn't expecting...

Love and cheers and fortitude to all, including myself.

Let's Change the Subject

I don't even want to give my tooth pain any credit today - suffice to say it hurts!  

So, thank you Ma, for your research, on the appropriate quote.  Out, damn spot, out! it is, and that will be my motto, my mantra, my call to arms, whatever from now on, till this tumor and all it's cancerous little cells goes away.  I like that it was Lady MacBeth, whilst sleepwalking, as I was a great somnambulist and sleeptalker in my day!  

(And just so everyone knows, I'm very lazy -at least editorially- on this blog for the most part.  I don't check facts or spellings most of the time, except spellcheck now and then, and I forgo quotation marks and underlining for titles, just because. All the good writers and readers and editors, please forgive me.) 

Amazing good fortune to all those this afternoon on the USAir flight that landed in the Hudson.  So good to have a scary story end well - skilled piloting, great rescue efforts, clear-headed passengers...  

Big question of the night - watch Grey's Anatomy or CSI?  

Root Canal, Part 1

The root canal went fine.  Took two Atavan (for anxiety and nausea, per chemo nurse), my iPod, and the doctor loaded me up with 4 or 5 shots of novocaine, so I didn't feel a thing.  Two out of four roots redone;  the next 2 roots next Tuesday, the 27th.  That means at least another week on 4 times a day antibiotics....

I called people at work today, which was a really big help.  It reconnected me with those co-workers, reminded  me that my students are still there and coming in looking for help, and made me look forward to coming in next week, even if the days don't end up being full time.  So my plan is to be there next week, Tuesday-Friday, and then the following week on the 26th, 27th and 28th, partial days.  Next chemo session on Thursday the 29th, 9AM-4PM.  

Mom's doing the research on Out Damn Spot, Out (Lady MacBeth?).  I'm liking that title for a Cancer Riddance Playlist.  MaryLou sent an article from the NYTimes about a man living with prostate cancer, and his playlist.  Let's see if I'm advanced enough to quote or link to it: nytimes.com: Notes to Soothe the Savage Cells  (Someone tell me if it works!)  

Happy Happy Big 4-0 to dear Beth tomorrow - have a great celebration then and again and again and whenever you need to!  

Scrubs and The Office on tonight; Gray's Anatomy tomorrow, so I'm all set for good TV!!  News flash - Zach Braff is only going to be with Scrubs through this season, or one more.  Hope the show doesn't suffer too much without him.  (Saw him on Regis and Kelly yesterday!!)

Mom says the image in her mind of "one foot in front of the other" came from The March of the Penguins, which I somehow never saw!  I know someone owns that movie - will you lend it to me?  Speaking of movies, that's another good resource list we could start - movies people are willing to lend!  (Locals only, sorry)  If you're interested, make a list of your movies, put labels on them and we can start a movie lending library, and save on the Netflix fees, perhaps.  (I don't want to cancel Netflix, I'm just getting started on it!)  

TTFN!

Blah

Well, today was much the same as yesterday, except that I was expecting it, so it didn't hit as hard.  Nausea and sadness, but enough energy to walk the dog and clean off my desk, so not a total loss.  

Started reading Wicked yesterday, but didn't pick it up today.  

Mischief and I laid around with the front door open, letting the sunshine and breeze in, which felt nice.  Played with iPod and iTunes (Lynn discovered that sending a iTunes song as a gift is easy - thanks sisterdear!) so I started my Out Out Damn Spot playlist (tentative name), and bought Never Surrender from the 80's as a beginning (and a non-related song - Shut Your Eyes by Snow Patrol).  More to come.  Will share the playlist when done.  

Watched two episodes of Freaks and Geeks, a show I greatly enjoy.  Marta turned me on to it - a great find!  Set in a Detroit high school in 1980 (a few years after I graduated from Ithaca High School), it hits home with the high school experience.  If you haven't seen it, I recommend starting at the beginning (it was a TV show 1999-2000) and checking it out.  I'm almost at the end of the series, and will miss it.  

The highlight of the day was receiving a jumbo bouquet of tulips from my sister - multicolored and beautiful!  

We're still enjoying delicious food from some really good cooks and thoughtful shoppers - and other nice bouquets - thanks Elyse and Athena and Catherine and Debbie!  

Tomorrow the root canal takes place at 1:10PM - let's hope it goes smoothly.  

Its About Time

As my mom pointed out, today's the first day since  my diagnosis that I've been alone, so it is about time that I wallow a bit, feel sad, and shed some tears.  But, as she also pointed out, feeling nauseous means the chemo is doing what its supposed to, and that is good!  Thank you, Mommy!  Everyone needs a mommy, no matter how old you are, and for those of you without moms, I'm so sorry.  Make sure you have a surrogate mom.

Walking to the post office to mail Emily's Christmas presents to her Annie and Aunt Lynnie, I came across an elderly lady (we live very close to a nursing home).  I said "Good afternoon, how are you today?"  She surprised me by pausing, and saying "I can't complain!"  

Its a beautiful, 70 degree, perfectly sunny day here in northern California, which might sound really nice to some of you who are snowbound or cold,  but sometimes it just feels wrong to have this weather in January!  You'd think after 24 or 25 years as a Californian I'd have gotten used to this, but I haven't.  At least when it rains, I'm reminded it is winter; we do sort of have seasons.  But we're way behind on rain!  

Thank yous to Emily and Kira for the lotsahelpinghands.com  help.  Be aware that we can't list something as filled on the calendar until you've signed up and verified your email.  But we're all set for delicious meals this week, and thanks to everyone who brought food and flowers and cards last week!  The freezer is out of room and we know we'll be needing more help as time goes on...

Started reading Jon Kabat Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living - thank you Tina.  

Loved looking at the beautiful and interesting faces last night on PBS's Tess of the D'Urberville's, but, as I told Marty, was annoyed by the whole "purity" thing...Laura Linney (or Linley?), the host of last night's show, said Victorian dinner parties were placing those who sided for Tess and against her at opposite ends of the table, the debate was so heated...It is an interesting topic, of course - one that doesn't get talked  enough about these days - ethics, morality, etc...But I was getting frustrated in the same way I did with the Jane Austen series...Would you wait forever for the person you loved, even if they've judged you wrongly?  Would your pride keep you from asking for help?  

Well, it got me away from myself for a few moments...